Peter Equals Work
by K-Shandra
Summary: Olivia and some random thoughts.I had to have a go after Jacksonville.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Peter Equals Work

Timeline: Season 2

Characters: Olivia

Summary: Random Thoughts

Disclaimer: I own them, in my dreams, no seriously I do, I get to analize them, take them apart, it's great fun.

However in real life someone else has the rights and gets all the money, not that I mind. As long as they don't sue me for playing.

Notes: Written just as a stress releaver, yes seriously

Beta: I should look into finding one sometime.

How dare he!

Oh I'm going to kill that Bishop - when I get my hands on him, I'll ring his little neck for this, how dare he wander off and get himself kidnapped, and that by a mind controlling brat. God I swear if that kid does not kill him I Will. And if the kid kills him, I'll make Walter bring him back to life, just so that I can kill him myself.

He was supposed to stay out of the way, to watch Walter, but no, as usual, he had to go off on his own, being completely insufferable. No one had seen him and now I have Walter in a state. I wish he would just do what is expected of him. That way he would not get hurt, and I would not end up loosing another important person to me, Oh God no I can't think that way, Peter Equals Work, PEW. he is off limits, a no go.

Where the hell have they gone, where is that kid taking him? What is he doing to his mind, Walter said the other victims had damage done to their brains, Oh God no, not Peter. I must find him must stop that kid. Then I'm gonna kill him, as soon as he's cleared his medical examination, I'll ring his little neck. He must not do this, must not get himself involved like this.

To the law with his reputation he is dispensable. Not to me, not to Walter, we need him. Walter because… I don't know why, but I need him, I need him to translate what his father is saying, I need him top put on the brakes when things start spinning out of control, I need him to pull me out, when I've gotten in to deep again. I need him to make sense of it all, and to find some logic behind what we do, so that I don't loose my mind. I need to hear him saying "hey" in the morning, watch his disbelief when Walter's comes up with another crazy idea. I need his touch on the shoulder to remind me that I'm alive, his confidence in me to pull this off. But mostly I need him here, here where I can see him, can glance at him, often wondering….

Oh god no Peter Equals Work PEW Don't go there, just don't go there, Longing for his embrace was different to not knowing if you'll ever see him again or have the chance.

He is so dead, how can he do this, put me through this. I should have let him go back then, let him opt out. But I couldn't, and I don't want him to now. I want him. I want him to take me in his arms, to help me forget what we have gone through together, to hold me until I can face the world again. To remind me that I'm alive, and through all this I am still capable of feeling, of wanting, of needing. Where is he, I need him here, I've got to find him. He completes the team, keeps us together. Please let him be okay, I want the pleasure of killing him, I'm gonna kill him, first I'll ring his neck and back him up against the wall, then just before he dies… No I've got to stop that. Peter needs me to think straight, needs me to find him and get him out. Walter needs to think straight, we need him to come up with something, anything, must go and see Walter.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Peter Equals Work (2)

Timeline: Season 2 Grey Matters

Characters: Olivia

Summary: Random Thoughts

Disclaimer: I own them, in my dreams, no seriously I do, I get to analize them, take them apart, it's great fun.

However in real life someone else has the rights and gets all the money, not that I mind. As long as they don't sue me for playing.

Notes: This one was hiding on my harddrive, because I let it.

Beta: No She had off with this one, sent her plenty of other work this week. so all mistakes are once again mine

* * *

Olivia sat in her chair, swinging the glass in her hand between her thumb and middle finger, the alcohol had not helped; Her mind still kept swirling in circles trying to figure out just when emotional decisions had become rational ones.

Just when exactly had she accepted Walter and Peter as her friends, no longer as work colleagues. She knew it was best to remain alone, after John and Charlie she vowed not to allow anyone else close, that way they could not interfere with her judgement like they had today.

She had even admitted it to Broyals "I put my friend first" and it wasn't Walter she had placed first, although Broyals may have thought so. It was Peter. It had been Peters' words that had pulled her, the shear desperation she heard in them, knowing that if Walter died she would loose Peter in more ways than just not working with him anymore.

And just what exactly had he meant when he said that this wasn't her fight alone, she was in charge of the division, the one who had to make sense of it all and put it on paper.

Then there was Newton, and his words; "I know how weak you are". Did he think her weakness was Walter or had he known it was Peter, maybe they thought it was both, she did not even know which anymore, Peter or Walter because of Peter.

The more she reminded herself that Peter equalled work and that she was not allowed, the more difficult it became.

She had tried to shun him, tried to make it look like she did not care, however in her heart she was weeping, yearning for him to reach out and touch her, to see past the pretence, but even then they would not be able to do anything.

She should not allow for him to become more involved, she had to protect him and Walter, they may be the builders of this jigsaw puzzle, those who slowly and meticulously placed the pieces in place, so that she could make sense of it all. They should not need to take the risks. It was for her to protect the doorway that William and Walter had predestined for her to do. Peter was just supposed to help her make sense of the crazy-ness she now found in her life.

Olivia dropped her head back against the back of the couch, She had to watch over Peter, If they ever knew or found out that he is her weakness, they would take him from her to use him as a bargaining tool, And she would give them what they wanted as long as Peter remained safe.

Peter may equal work, he also equalled friend now.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Peter Equals Work (3)

Timeline: Season 2:13

Characters: Olivia

Summary: Random Thoughts

Disclaimer: I own them, in my dreams, no seriously I do, I get to analize them, take them apart, it's great fun.

However in real life someone else has the rights and gets all the money, not that I mind. As long as they don't sue me for playing.

Notes: This is what happens when you watch a good episode in the middle of writing a casefile fic, and until it was done there is no way that Part 6 of Secrets of the Fringe would be written, as it would just not let go. Two hours on 400 words for a casefile that took 14 hours to write the first five chapters is disgusting, and all because of this. "Eish, Mina Katele"

Beta: She had Five parts to beta this week, I think she deserved some time off, so they are all mine again.

* * *

Olivia lay on her back in bed staring up at the ceiling. Sleep being ever elusive again. Her thoughts ran back to the day's events, in particular Peter.

"It is just like you; even now you protect her."

He did not know; could he not see it. He spoke so of having those close to you to speak to when you have problems, has he still not realized that he is the one I speak to. That he is the one I've become willing to open up to, more than to any other person that has ever partaken in my life

He has no idea how much I have come to depend on him, how much I need for him to be there for me, he is the only one I would talk to about things, the things I could not even bring myself to talk to even John about.

Rachel is one that needs to be protected, she is not as strong as me, she is too willing to believe and see in the better side of people, she never saw evil, it must be the way she copes with things, knowing I would be there to pick up the pieces.

I need him to be there for me, like I am for Rachel.

He has no idea of the thoughts that went through my head when I noted the blood on his hands, the fear and trepidation that I experienced at the thought of loosing him too, that before the end of the day he would no longer be in my life, then realization that there was nothing I could do for him, and having to come to terms with that. Of all things that I have been through, that I have experienced thus far, the loss of Peter would break me, I need him as much as Walter seems to. Why? I don't know.

He would never know the relief that rushed over me at his testing negative, he may have seen and heard it from Walter like I did. He had no idea of my relief, short lived as it was. The realisation that he was indeed infected and had somehow managed to slip past the test, marked the return of all my torment. It should not have puzzled me as to he had managed to slip pass the screen, he is a genius.

He had no idea of how much I had, still have on the line. How it had felt to be told that your friends were to be shot, or when your assistant choose to stay and fight with his father, over saving herself. To feel alone, left out of the circle of friends that had been there throughout this crazy situation we find ourselves in.

The realisation that I had nothing to loose by going into that building, that I would rather die with them then have to go through the pain of continuing without them, particularly him.

How I did not want to hurt him, and I had never thought he would attack or hurt me. Now knowing how it feels to have someone you care for point a gun at you, and not knowing if they are that far gone that not pulling the trigger was an option. I still cannot understand why he left me.

He would never know how I felt, standing there listening to his apology, him making me out to be the stronger one, when just the relief of still having him around was enough to overlook his lapse of judgement, was this how my mother had felt, that she would take a beating as long as that bastard remained.

Peter is never to know, must never know of the feelings I fight with everyday to master, to not let it show how much I have come to care, because Peter is supposed to Equal Work, he even Equals Friend, he is not supposed to Equal Love.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Peter Equals Work (3)

Timeline: Season 2:15

Characters: Olivia

Summary: Random Thoughts

Disclaimer: I own them, in my dreams, no seriously I do, I get to analize them, take them apart, it's great fun.  
However in real life someone else has the rights and gets all the money, not that I mind. As long as they don't sue me for playing.

Notes: Yes it is my turn for a spin on Jacksonville (as usual with a twist)  
To the followers of Secrets of the Fringe, Jacksonville saw the trashing of chapter seven, cant have them doing the deed now ah darn! (And cortexophen is brown oops got to check those drugs again). Chapter six is undergoing a serious rewrite and may even be the end of that, unless I find some means of working it in with the rest of the show.  
There is a Peter POV that will be posted in Doubts and Frustrations later. This is Olivia thoughts.

Beta: They are all mine again, I think my beta thinks I've left the planet or something, must send her a message.

* * *

Hate is love distorted and anger is fear altered… but what is this?

As I sit here now, my hands are shaking from the strain. The thoughts and events of the last two days are catching up on me. The stress and the trauma of my childhood experiences, the drugs and fear they had evoked, the realization regarding the extend of the tests Walter and William had submitted me and the other children to, and how those had shaped the person I have become. The strong exterior I show to the world that in fact hides a scarred trembling child.

Peter, I knew I should never have allowed him close, knew I would get hurt again. And this time it is harder, so much harder. Peter has been there for me, looking out for me even before the Fringe division was properly established. The last two days he has once again been there to support, and attempt to halt Walter and his tests. God how I wish I had not allowed then. At least then I would be oblivious of the fact that Peter is not from here. But then I would not have found out that I'm not the only one who has become emotionally invested in the team.

God why did he have to glimmer? Why can't I just once have something that could be mine? Why had he not glimmered at Massive Dynamic? At least then I could have come to terms with this on my own, I would not have needed to remain calm and collected through our evening together. He knows something is up he respected my need for distance. So like Peter. He even glared at Walter as we left I think he may have noted the exchange. The anger directed towards Walter had rendered him normal in appearance, however as the evening progresses and fear took hold he started to glimmer again. What if they pulled him back, to have to face that just suddenly he may disappear, that he will not be there anymore to hit the breaks when things seemed to be running out of control. No more silly jokes that allows for an inner smile, when things just seem a little too much.

But would that not happen anyway if he were to find out?

Would he not leave anyway?

Is that why Walter does not want to tell him?

I wonder what he had said to Walter once they were alone. Maybe Walter will tell him.

Walter

I hate him right now! I hate him for what he did to me and the other kids! I hated that he could have started this when he brought Peter over! I hate him for doing that! If not for him John and Charlie would still be alive, I would lead a normal life, I may even have been married by now. How different this reality would have been, how different everything could have been.

Now that I find myself in love with Peter, had allowed the emotions and attractions to grow, and now I have to deal with another heartache. Peter, whom I had nearly lost twice already in this last year. Would he just one day vanish as the universe decided he was the missing link in the balance, all this had to tie together but how… how could it be that while he had become the centre point of her life that he was the one at greatest risk. Maybe that is what Bell had warned me about, does he know about Peter? He must, is this not maybe why they had tested on us? Walters attempt to provide a means of protection for Peter, a pre-warning of some sorts…

Has Peter now become my work, my responsibility?


End file.
